Dear diary, recently, my daughter turned six. I can’t believe I’ve been a mother for six years already. When I look into my daughters' eyes all I see is a precious pearl. She is my pride and joy. She is a star that shines every single day. But when I look into her eyes I also get flashbacks of myself.
She looks exactly like me. Her smile, her attitude and her ability to make others laugh. She looks as innocent as I was.
Sometimes when I look at my daughter, I’m reminded of myself and how trapped I felt as a child, unable to see a way out. I’m grateful she is in a far much better and child-friendly environment. She gets to be a baby girl with no care in the world.
When I look at my daughter I see the difference between the environment she’s growing up in and mine. And I also notice the outcome of it.
When I look at her I hear my past asking me, “what if it was her?”
It’s a blessing to have children but I can imagine how many other women feel cursed because they have to relive their past every time they look into their children’s eyes.
For some it may not be your children, it may be a parent or a sibling.
Sometimes it’s even a scent. There are certain aromas that bring me back in time. Isn’t it ironic that even though the past has passed away it always finds a way into your future?
The next time I look into my daughters' eyes I may see me, but I’ll take another look and see her for who she is. I will rest in the assurance that my script will not have to be hers. The game got changed once I got saved and decided to disrupt our family curses. God has a different script for my baby girl. Life will be challenging as usual but I got her!