Have you ever been caught up in a fight between two people you love and felt the pressure to pick a side? Well I have serveral times!
Loyalty conflicts, we see them a lot with children who's parents are going through a divorce. They love both parents but feel the pressure to pick sides. | A loyalty conflict is when two people disagree on certain matters or dislike each other and expect the third person to choose them over the other.|
Maybe you can relate to this: years ago I was caught up in the middle of two best friends who were not talking to each other. They both would call me separately and each tell their side of the story. I would then listen and try not to say anything that would make them assume I was picking sides. I would also not let them know I just spoke to the other friend (talk about pressure!). And to be honest, sometimes it was the other way around. I was the friend who had a fight with my best friend and I will call the other friend to hopefully get her opinion aligned with mine. You know what? That didn’t always work on my behalf!
What makes people still stay even when the circumstances are bad? LOYALTY. When you are loyal to someone you have this strong sense of supporting them, even when sometimes deep inside of you, you know something just isn’t right!
Today, I’m questioning a certain situation. My questions to myself are:
- Till what extend do I stay loyal?
- What will this loyalty cost me?
I believe regardless of the circumstances I need to stay true to who I am. Meaning, I don’t have to agree with everybody. I am an individual with an own opinion. For instance, when I disagree with a person I highly esteem and love, I must be able to voice this out.| I can stay loyal to that person, yet my loyalty mustn’t lead me to do something that is in conflict to what I stand for. | We all have a conscience that speaks loud and clear and aside to that we have an instinct that warns us about certain things.
In the past, I would be so loyal to people to the expense of crossing over my own borders and losing people that where dear to me. I somehow knew it wasn’t right but the loyalty conflict that was going on inside of me was too heavy. You know, the kind of loyalty conflict which you know for sure that no matter the decision you make you’re about to lose someone dear to you.
With this experience in mind, I have made up my mind to stay loyal to my convictions. And sometimes that means we just need to agree to disagree. | I love you, but I love God first, I love me second and then I love you.|
Loyalty is something beautiful and also something you barely see nowadays, let’s keep it beautiful can we!?
When you find yourself in a loyalty conflict, first ask yourself “what do I stand for?”
If for instance your answer is peace, then the next question should be “how do I implement peace in this situation?”. It maybe by being honest and telling the one you love that they are wrong (like in my friendship story), or it could be by separating yourself from the conflict two people have (for example a divorce).
| Loyalty conflicts will always occur, be prepared for it by knowing who you are and what you stand for as an individual.|